..shattered..

i don't really understand
why do i feel this way
it's troublesome
it's hurting
it's eating me up
emotionally

why should i feel this way
is it because of the emptiness
that's building up walls
of loneliness
or terror
or tears

i feel empty
i feel sad
i feel numb
i feel there's no more joy
and there'll be no happiness

between the lines
right in front
it just never meant to be
for me
or the rest of my life

i'm so shattered..

cekya, 30/12/05

a trip to remember?

salam!

macam biasa, the trip to cameron was tiring. bila bawak ira & ika, alahaiiii..neverending story.

-monday-
we made our move at about 9.30am. tiba tapah r& r around 11am and we made our way up to brinchang and sampai around 2pm. jalan naik ke atas banyak kereta and we had to go slow few times. adik cekya sesuka hati bawak laju time takada kereta. seram betul. but alhamdulillah, we arrived at brinchang's eating place and had our lunch. sesiapa yang muntah tu sempat buang beg plastik masing-masing. hahahah...NOPE. cekya maintain tak pening and tak muntah. huhuhuhu!! we had goreng-goreng stuff and headed for the apartment at about 3pm. the unit we're gonna stay belum siap so we chill kat lobby, i teased and buli ira kaw-kaw till she cried. hard. owh! talk about SATISFACTION! then we ge ourselves settled, rearranged the kitchen and also the rooms. we booked for 3 rooms, asked for 4 rooms when we arrived and got a 5 rooms-apartment instead. huhuhuhu! petang sikit, i went snapping nearby the olde smoke house. flowers, mostly. hehehe..nothing much after that, just had dinner and i slept in a bit late, watching 7 perhentian. aiyok erra fazira. hikhikhikhik..but farid kamil truly reminds me of ahmad. missed him so much.

-tuesday-
we had an early morning, tak semua keluar jalan-jalan, so off we went to rose valley first. oh the huge fluffy petals, all sorts of colours. do visit this place when you visit camerons. they also have hibiscus as big as our faces. huhuhuhu! amazing! lepas puas round the valley, we went jam & strawberry hunting kat kea farm. my mom, my aunts, bought more than 10 bottles of the jam and packed strawberries. i suppose they wanna have a berry bath. hahahaha...time tu cekya rasa tak sedap perut but off we went to another stop, the souvenir shop. didn't get to buy anything coz i was busy looking for the toilet. they are clean, thank God! hehehe...we bought food and took lunch at the apartment and lepak the whole evening. it was raining anyway, so there's not much can be done. i was thinking to take a walk to a nearby village tapi hujan pulak! no evening walks, ladies & gentlemen...;)

-wednesday-
i'm the last to wake up. hehe..the girls were nagging for a 'petik shroberi' session. no, i didn't spell it wrongly. it is how they pronounce it. hehe..so we went to a nearby 'shroberi' farm. for you guys' info, tak semua farm are open for plucking. ada yang bukak only on weekends, only om thursdays, only on fridays..and the list go on lah! but there's this one farm yang available for plucking. it's at a junction to the strawberry park apartment. you can always pluck, whenever you want, on any days. selesai memetik dan membayar, we went to kea farm, again, to buy fruits and veggies. colourful selections, i must say. apa lagi, seronok la cekya snap. hehehe..i bought 20 pieces of 'shroberi' lollipops and some flowers for my friend. ada pulak yang pesan bunga. surprisingly, there are not much roses anymore, unlike before. heran jugak sebab kat rose valley tu, kemain debab lagi bunga-bunga dia. hikhikhik!

we finished our shopping, and went back to the apartment. buli ira again. she cried. loud. hmmm...*evil smile*.we packed and left the place after dzuhur and had our lunch at brinchang. the driving down process made me like vomitting sebab baru lepas lunch so i forced myself to think about other stuff, snapping endlessly. tak apa la gambar tak jadi, janji tak terkeluar isi perut. alhamdulillah, we arrived tapah at about 5pm. i bought jambu batu and jambu madu for my colleagues. they don't really fancy 'shroberies'. hehe..

on the way tu, jalan hujan. lebat sangat. adik cekya bawak slow, but ada one point to, he followed one car kat fast lane. not so close, tapi dok follow the lights as a guide. tiba-tiba, the lights hilang. me, panicked already. we did not see anything except for air hujan. that is just so impossible. mustahil dia speed.

tiba-tiba, lebih kurang 4 metes, we saw a car, stopped kat fast lane tu. my bro tekan break but i guess the road was too slippery, it DID NOT STOP. freak! he tried swifting the sterring left and right but still, tak stop. out of nowhere, i pulled the sterring to the left sebab dah dekat sgt dgn bontot kereta yang stop tu. tawakkal. i didn't even think about cars on my left, which is the slow lane. kalau ada kereta, memang i'll be the one kena...and i might not be here to write this...

after i pull it the the left, the car macam nak berpusing coz i might be pulling too hard and my bro started pulling to the right pulak. and the car stopped. gosh!! felt like crying, i was shaking like hell! then my bro continued the journey kat slow lane. i called my mom to warn my dad about the car. masa kereta tu stop, i saw the front tyre was broken.

Allahu'Akbar! i can't imagine if things are different...alhamdulillah, i'm still alive. syukur tak terhingga..we arrived safely at my cousin's house to drop my aunts and the girls. and arrived home at about 7pm.

hmm..i guess itu saja cerita cekya. macam-macam jadi but i know, all things happen for a reason. ada hikmahnya...;)

anyways, setelah diceritakan oleh kawan cekya pasal preview pride and prejudice 2005 yang dia tengok kat OU kelmarin, i wanted to buy the book and read it first, so i bought it petang tadi. yey! must change the geisha's book cover with ms austen's book pulak..hehehe..

i also bought chill factor by sandra brown. a thriller. emm....yummy books to read for the long weekend!

i'll post some pictures tomorrow.till later darlings!
wassalam!

camerons!

assalamualaikum...

i was away for holidays, kat mana lagi, camerons. it seems that my family, haven't got any other places to go. it's either camerons or PD. kalau tak PD, camerons. kalau tak camerons, PD. i took a quiet huge number of pictures. i wanted to upload everything but unfortunately, i can't, due to work and also space constraints. however, i manage to edit and handle 10% of the pictures.
here goes. looking through the 300 plus pictures, i believe, i truly need to improve.

have fun with the pictures. siapa-siapa nak soft copy, please email me. i'll be glad to entertain.

wassalam,
cekya

p/s : i'm posting the rest of the pics at my fotopages. do visit.

tugu negara visit...

>> rasa bersemangat bila visit these monuments. there are more pics but i'll upload it once i'm back.
chow!

..piccas - tasik perdana trip..

salam..

it's sunday nite, i'll be leaving for camerons tomorrow...so here's some pics i took during my visit to tasik perdana, kl. the entrance fee for kl bird park is just ridiculously expensive. i'll be visiting the bird park in camerons ajelah..hehehe...
i'll be adding another entry of the tugu negara visit...;)







i love the jantung pisang. my fav colour. pink! hihikhikhik..

wassalam!

..kasih's reflection..

Malam ini kasih teringat aku pada mu
Seakan kau hadir di sisi menemani ku
Ku yakin kan diri agar tiada sepi
Ku lewat kau hadir di dalam mimpi ku

Seandainya mungkin ku mampu terbang ke awan
Detik ini juga ku akan melayang ke sana
Kan ku bawa pulang
Dirimu yang selalu ku sayang
Bersama berdua kita bahagia

Kasih dengarlah hatiku berkata
Aku cinta kepada dirimu sayang
Kasih percayalah kepada diriku
Hidup matiku hanya untuk mu

Kasih - Hetty Koes Endang

p/s : this one's for zuhri & cyberdad.

sebuah entry yang penuh dengan geram.

salam!

been busy, i have to do an assignment, a prompt one. all of a sudden. mengejut. which i really hate coz i don't have much time plannning and designing. sheesh! and i have to complete at least say 95% or even siapkan sepenuhnya as i'll be leaving for my annual leave next week. insya-Allah, i'll be heading to cameron highlands. so, terpaksa siapkan and hand it to my boss, the latest by friday and esok dah khamis. urghhh!! tensi betul macam ni. kalau bagitahu awal-awal kan senang. eiiiii!!!!!!

lately memang balik lewat and i'll continue at home till 1-2 am..then pukul 9 dah terpacak kat office..then, bila tengok design some websites, rasa macam nak tukar layout. erghhh!! geramnya cekya!

i've been very tired.

physically and emotionally.

physically, maybe sebab kerja. that's fine. i love being tired because of work.

but emotionally, it's just draining the whole body system. i cried, i regret. tak tahu lah cekya nak explain macam mana but the frustration is beyond logical explanation. penat betul.
with work swamping in my brain, squeezing my mind to think about my work, dengam emotional depression. adui. rasa macam nak terjun tingkap tingkat 19 office tu. huh!

kerja pulak, they say the company is expanding but in order to do that, they need to reevaluate us and let go some of us. logically, we're suppose to hire. entah la. tatau strategy apa yang dipakai. dengar cerita, my department is not going to be affected. i'm just praying hard and try to do my job, at the very level best.

i have plans for zoo negara this saturday, tak pasti cekya dapat pegi atau tak. i'm planning to do my shooting, suka-suka with my good friends. nak cuba snap-snap kat zoo pulak. but because of this urgent project kilat tu, maybe terpaksa cancel! eiiiii!

istighfar,istighfar,istighfar!

anyways, dalam busy-busy tadi, cekya lari ke klcc and i bought dayang's new cd - kasih. aduih. best, best, best sangat. i always love dayang's voice and the recommendations from zuhri & cyberdad were more than accurate. tapi officemate cekya tak suka.
i just say,"oh ye? i suka." hehehe..lain orang, lain selera, ek?

it's almost 1am. i'm outta here. dah tak larat nak buat mata.
take care people.
wassalam.

aiseh!

salam!

it's 11 a.m. and i'm sleepy like hell! adui ngantuknya mata. mood pun takde. i'm suppose to attend the departmental meeting tapi boss buat dunno jek tu. and at 2 p.m., there'll be another meeting with our E.D. apa hal ntah nak jumpa. baru nak suai kenal la konon. alah. malasnya nak attend! rasa nak tido the whole day. i can't open my eyelids. sheesh!!!!!

tata people!
wassalam.

some of them...

times...TIMES???

salam!

i bought this mag tadi. unbelievable. my first times magazine. wakakakaka...and it is all because of the contents. the cover speaks for itself!

you can also view them, i mean the photos at www.timeasia.com!

wassalam!

this is what i call, freshness!

puzzles..puzzled?

keyword : makan2-lrt-kfc

salam!

pejam celik, it's the middle of the week! cepatnya masa berlalu. weekends, week days, weekend, week days.

insya-Allah, my mom's gonna have makan-makan this saturday and i have to be the catering gurl. meaning to say, kena la tolong masak, serve, basuh pinggan dan yang sewaktu dengannya. baru sebut dah rasa penat. huhuhuhu...

for the past 3 days, i had to rush and fight for a place in the lrt as the coaches are packed. some of the roads memang tutup during peak hours as we're having the asean summit meeting. so ramailah yang tak nak drive. suffocate betul. so i went to the office a little bit late, which compliment my 'liat nak bangun pagi' perangai. hahahah...and i'll head home a little later as well. i hope things will get better tomorrow so i won't have to fight for tempat berdiri with other people. hehehe..

by the way, below are 2 snapshots of jalan yap kwan seng. clear as a river. ;)
wassalam!

p/s : i'm gonna have kfc lepas office nanti. does this mean i'm betraying mcdonalds already? ngeh!ngeh!

taggie!

salam!

been busy but dearest zuhri tagged me. so here's the 5 weird / random things about me;

1. i sleep with my camera, and my books, and my magazines. my bed is full, i repeat, full of my favourite stuff. It’s a routine for me to have a slideshow of the pics I took for the day on my camera, read thru magazines and will read 3-4 pages of the current book that I’m reading..
2. liat bangun pagi. this morning, my mom banged, i repeat, BANGED my door. i got up feeling irritated and knocked my door from inside, imitating her hard knockings to irritate her. hahahah..jahatnya aku.
3. i crave for mcdonalds almost everyday. pelik sangat. it’s not that i will go and stuff myself with any bigmacs or anything like that but i will say,”sedapnya mcdonalds…hmmmm”, at least once a day. emmm..sedapnya mcdonalds ek?hehehehe..
4. since i banged 7-11’s dinding not so long after i bought my new car, i was totally worried, not afraid, but worried of driving. and it was like a year plus ago. wonder when i’m gonna have the guts anymore. sheesh.
5. i love to look at men’s eyes. tatau napa. if i have chance, cekya tengok betul2 and penuh teliti. the lashes, anak mata warna apa, the eyelids. whether they match the face. everything! well, when i talk to somebody, i will always look them in the eye. so zuhri, beware! wuhuhuhuhu!!!

so that's about it. not as creative as you think it might be, zuhri. i'm just a normal person, dude! anyways, am not gonna tag anybody. hehehe...let it end here..;)

gotta go...take care people!

wassalam.

dendam meriam..

salam!

i had a tiring weekend. thought of posting my entry tomorrow tapi rasanya esok akan busy yang amat!
saturday pi rumah officemate. ada doa selamat for his mom, nak pergi tunaikan haji, 29th of december. petang sikit, cekya singgah tasik titiwangsa. hujan pulak. me and a colleague turun jugak. amik angin lepas hujan. fresh.

nampak gak a few couples dalam parked cars. dok tido. agaknya tak dapat tido serumah, tido le sekereta. huhuhuhu...

and tadi. cekya gi tengoh PHSM II. actually, besides it being a horror movie, cerita ni sebenarnya tentang dendam. manusia, kalau dah berdendam...bawa ke mati...
dendam jugak punca segala perasaan negatif dalam diri manusia. dendam menyemarakkan rasa marah, geram, sakit hati. macam api. dendam jugak membuatkan kita nak membalas perbuatan orang lain. kadang tu, orang lain jadi mangsa.

yesterday, someone dear to me almost 10 years ago messaged me kat yahoo messenger. lately, dia ada jugak message and he told me about his happy life. duh! tatau la apa motif dia. i acted cool and mengiakan segala cerita dia.

but last nite, he told me something that made me think of his saying 10 years back, masa kami baru nak berkawan. dia berdendam dengan his ex-gf at that time. what he wants to do is fool girls and make them dropped to their knees and leave. then he met up with me and things changed.

and all of a sudden, things don't work out between us. apa yang buat cekya risau is what he had told me last nite. he had married another. i was so shocked! dia balas dendam ke?? i knew him too well to even put that thought away!

hati kecil cekya mengiakan sangat. dah 2 wife dia. baru 29 years old. i got so furious. entah la. maybe dah jodoh dia. and he said that his first wife setuju. memang la but i wonder how she feels. and yet she just gave birth to their 2nd baby. and is he just playing around?

emm...berbisa sungguh dendam ni, yea? and i just feel so sorry kat his first wife and his kids. emm..

wasalam.

nature..again!

salam!

a hectic in the office. 2 staff tak ada, sorang pi training, another one pi pasir gudang so cekya tertonggeng tergolek sorang-sorang. of course, ada manager and my exec but sapa nak buat keje kecik-kecik dan remeh-remeh tu kan? yours truly. yang buat cekya geleng kepala tu, ada sorang finance manager, called me up tanya about her mouse's warranty. baru few weeks pakai, dah takleh click.

so i went to her place.

and i saw that poor mouse dah regang. the clip dah tercabut. creep. cemana la minah ni guna mouse. dia bagi mouse tu main galah panjang dengan tikus kat rumah dia ke?? i then took the mouse to my place and fix it. terus ok. siot jek.

and i gave her back the mouse sambil bebel-bebel. manager ke, apa ke...i was so annoyed. pastu muka dia cam guilty as heck sambil tersenyum tersipu-sipu. tahuuu takpe! huh!

then belum sempat makan, my manager asked me to go to shah alam and just head home after that. memang ada problem with their servers lacking space. limited untuk their payroll. so around 3pm, cekya pun gerak ke shah alam. arrived at about 4pm, and finished my work at about 5pm, terus balik rumah.

kira record la hari ni, sampai awal.

owh! tak sempat nak email a friend the pictures that she needed. sorry sister, i was so freakin' busy. i'll email you tomorrow. curik time lunch sket to prepare the pictrues that she wanted. hope she'll still accepts it.

it's late, almost 1am. gotta go. owh i took some pics masa balik tadi. biasa la, flowers from my mom's garden...enjoy!

ancient, aren't they?

spins around!

salam!

sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday.

dah 4 hari cekya pening. today, tak teruk sangat. very mild but still, mengganggu sikit la bila cekya nak buat kerja kat office. sudah la banyak nak kena buat.

website kena buat semula, and i'm in the midst of searching for any interested vendors or freelances. kena prepare semula contents dia. eisk!

anyways, my friends ajak pi tengok PHSM II tonite but i've promised mummy dearest for a dim sum dinner kat giant mall, kelana jaya. i scheduled the tengok wayang session for sunday instead. kalau geng cekya tu nak join, oklah..kalau tak, i might be going alone.

as for my mood, belum ok lagi. entah la. boring gak bila emotion buat perangai macam ni. rasa tak seronok manjang. lemas lah!

take care people. enjoy happiness & calmness while you can!
wassalam.

bed of roses..