falling apart..

salam....

pagi tadi masa siap-siap nak pi office, i tuned to ERA. topic pagi ni was rather serious. konflik keluarga. cekya rasa, semua families dalam dunia ni, ada their own problems. i do face these kinda conflicts. i might not discuss the problems but what’s the impact to me, as a daughter to my family, as a person to my friends and society.

it’s hard having a few personalities in one’s life. changing moods, tukar cara senyum, having to laugh sincerely while some problems still hanging in your mind. pretending? tak juga. i need the happy boost to ease myself. i need to laugh..having a split personality is indeed a mental disorder. but having it under control might be another thing. i’m thankful that i still have Allah to guide me.

i’m not the type to tell, solve and let go. i prefer to keep it to myself. i’ve never discussed any of the conflicts i faced with my family. yeah, i do tell them the surface of it. not in depth though. it would make me sad and devastated. i don’t really want that. i wanna laugh. i wanna chill. a friend said that, initially, he knew me being hanky panky(aiyoh…!) but deep inside, i’m something else. macam dr jekyl & ms hyde. bila dia buat statement macam tu, terasa benar cekya. teruk sangat ke aku? hehehehe…

kat rumah, i’m this very reserve and quiet lady. i prefer to sit in my room, read materials, experimenting with my camera or tido. boleh dikira berapa kali i talk to my family in a day. kalau working days, memang tak bercakap langsung la. boleh dikira dengan jari berapa patah perkataan yang cekya sebut. ada yang cakap i’m the one yang put a gap between myself dengan family. mungkin! tapi i’ve tried a few things tapi tak menjadi. being the only girl really makes me a loner. i guess kesan dari the conflicts yang membuatkan cekya reacted this way.

but with my friends, i’m this joyous, happy-happy and hantu ketawa. pendek kata, i’m a totally different person. cekya cuba untuk jadi macam tu kat rumah tapi memang rasa tak kena. tak seswaiiii!!!

apa pun, at the moment, i’m comfy. i’ll just be and act whichever i want, depending on the situation. orang lain lebih perlu rasa gembira dan selesa dengan cekya. not me. insya-Allah, i’ll adapt.

wassalam

p/s : kiranya peribahasa “masuk kandang lembu, menguak…masuk kandang kambing, mengembek” boleh pakai la dalam situation cekya nih ek?hehehe