salam...
it's approximately 6.40pm.
still in the office. had a wonderful time laughing away dengan cek kak ni on how our latest employer's doing. hehehehe....i HAVE to get off the phone with her sebab we can't stopp laughing, that's for sure. oh danny, you'll be laughing your heads out if you listen to us merepek-ing away...hahaha...ops!sorry boss!
anyways, there's a little corner in my mind is thinking about something. it's rather annoying and it's making me feel guilty.
the scenario.
i have had a friend, who clearly insulted me right on my face a few months ago. i wrote it here, apparently. maybe you guys have forgotten all about it. cekya sendiri dah lupa bila and i wouldn't wanna selongkar my archive and search for something that i hated so much, at that time.
that person is back. at first, i was being ok with it. meeting up with him. helping him out on certain things. tapi bila dah lama, i kept saying to myself, why am i doing all these? why am i helping him out? what's the matter with me? i was mad and clearly, i was down, devastated and lost all of my self-esteem. i cried for few days, being hurt and all.
tapi sekarang, i'm treating him like he has not done anything THAT bad. as if he did not hurt me in any possible ways. sebesar kuman pun takde. cekya treat dia seolah macam dia seorang yang teramat baik dan seolah cekya dah berhutang dengan dia and i'm treating him good in return. deng!
and now, i felt like i wanna back off. stop calling and receiving calls, sms, or any other means. tak tahu kenapa, cekya tiba-tiba rasa benci. i'm pretty sure i'm not on PMS. huh! maybe i felt like i'm being used. he's clearly at a very difficult state right now, with job, life and all. and siapa yang dia carik time susah? yeap! correct! - yours truly.
there are a few friends who knows about that person and they insisted me to leave, let him be on his own. being me, cekya tolong wherever i can. but after a few weeks, cekya rasa menyampah dan benci. tak tahulah kenapa. cekya tak nak if one day, bila dah tak tahan, i'll just burst out my feelings to him. that would be hurtful to him. and me as well, as i know, the feelings of being treated that way, the way he did it to me.
i guess i'll just keep quiet. i wouldn't wanna tell him off. it's cruel. i'll just keep it to myself. i wouldn't wanna see the face and the voice of the person who have said cruel words to me. it's not fair, kan? not fair to me.
wassalam
p/s : please, tell me, what i'm doing, is right. kalau nak ikutkan kata puteri gunung ledang,"apa yang aku buat ini, sudah betul..."..hm..but i'm no princess...:(
7 comments:
Be true to yourself. Sometimes, trying to comfort ourselves with false pretenses only brings worse consequences. Be true and you will know yourself when you're strong. after all, we are what we truly are.
when you treated him well these days, even after being insulted by him much earlier, only shows that you such a good person, your inner being nur shines.
kalau awan, i'll try to help him seikhlas mungkin sbb kalau buat benda yang tak ikhlas, hati pun tak senang kan. but eventually, on a one fine day, awan akan taruh dia cukup2, bagi dia sedar apa yang dia dah buat pada kita dulu, dan apa pula yg kita balas.
bagi dia tahu. kalau dia pendek akal, dia akan blah. kalau dia pandai hargai kawan, dia stay.
that's it.
Mungkin hati masih terluka with his doings and the thots of the possibility of him doing that again menyebabkan cekya rasa benci.
Sometimes it's the frienship that counts. Cekya..u know what is the best.
first of all, u hv a gd heart dear - well done! but personally, kalau org dah buat cam tu kat lunacy.. i will jauhkan diri dr dia (if possible). helping him when he's in need hmmm.. i might, provided it is a matter of life n death. Apart from that .. i'll stay away from him for good.
me cam tu jugak dulu...8 tahun tak silap..tapi as of last year, i cakap baik2, I have enuf of those nonsense from him.
skrg masih berkawan, tapi I'm not his doormat. I stay firm.
tahukah anda apa itu frekuensi jati? ianya merupakan tahap genting suatu sping yg buleh kembali ke bentuk asal setelah dipanjangkan. *betui ke?
kesimpulannya.. bila lepas tahap frekuensi jati tuh.. spring dah takkan kembali ke bentuk asal.. bilakah anda nak sampai ke tahap sabar yg maksimum? tak mahukah anda mempercepatkan kadar HILANG SABAR itu? >:)
*eh terbuat entry lak kat sini.. :)
tot ~ yeah, i guess i have to be honest, to myself first. though it hurts.
awan ~ thanx awan. the thing is, i'm not the type to talk openly about my feelings pada orang yang macam ni. i'd rather leave. quietly...:(
WTL ~ yup. true. cekya did not realise that i'm still hurt. i need time and i don't think would wanna be friends with him. ever again...:( thanx anyway, sis...
lunacy ~ i guess i would probably do that kak lun. stay away.thanx sis...
ligo ~ that'sthe right name for me. doormat. i guess i have to move on. thanx ligo!
banai ~ erk...alahai...susahnyer la, nak selesai masalah pun pakai sains..hikhikhik...cekya sains nih lemah sket. anyways, i know what you mean..hehehe.thanx banasss...hikhikhik
danny ~ aye aye captain...;)i'll be strong. i must. thanx man!
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