you said, you wanna let go...

salam...

mata cekya pedih pagi ni. i'm sleepy. tidor lewat. lepas office semalam, member cekya called, ajak minum @ klcc. so off we went. tak ada apa sangat, cuma minum-minum and snapped some photos. best jugak! we took pictures of in and outside klcc, and tower 2, petronas. and as usual, camera cekya tak mampu nak snap gambar waktu malam. even dah try adjust balancing b&w pun, masih sama! then, we wanted to see the kebaya galore @ galeri petronas tapi dah tutup. i might be going there petang karang!hehehe... anyways, cekya tiba rumah around 10, washed myself and i got this sms;

-----s***-----
Thank 2 GOD, 2day
s*** dpt baca ur blog n
i know that u a ok after
semua ini. Maaf atas
segalanya, yg baik itu
dari DIA, yg buruk itu
dari saya.

Sender:
s***
+6019*******

ermm...memang betul, cekya tulis tentang apa yang cekya rasa, how i SHOULD feel dan what i've been trying to do since raya haji was collecting myself and teaching myself on how i SHOULD feel about things, no matter what. memang, nampak semua ok tapi hanya Allah yang tahu apa yang ada dalam hati cekya. i'm alone and facing everything all by myself. ketawa, tak bermakna cekya tak menangis. tersenyum, tak bermakna cekya happy.

what do you expect me to do? cry? bersedih? cekya dah penat. i'm tired of being a nuisance to anybody. i don't wanna create chaos to a friend's life. if i'm better off, then be it! kalau rasa cekya dah tak diperlukan, you can just buzz me off, or i'll just have my way and be distance to you, as far as possible. kalau cekya ni tak layak digelar kawan, then be it. cekya dah letih merayu, terhegeh-hegeh, terkial-kial, demi mendapat tempat di hati seorang sahabat. just to be another buddy in his circle of friends. teruk sangat ke cekya ni?:(

betul. cekya ada kesilapan sendiri. cekya akui. so, i guess you're better off without me. i'm not miss perfect. nobody is. the fact that you won't accept people's being but wanting people to accept you as you is ridiculous. mahu atau tidak, cekya perlu bangkit dengan sendiri. cekya minta sangat, janganlah buat andaian yang bukan-bukan sedang dia sendiri tak tahu apa yang berlaku selepas malam itu. malam aidiladha.

dan dia juga mahu cekya lontarkan kenangan bersama. oh please. you've thrown me away first, on that nite, from your life. cekya korban rasa sayang seorang sahabat. agar dia tak perlu pening-pening lagi dalam menghadapi life if i'm in it. agar tidak ada apa yang perlu difikirkan selain keluarga, kerja, dan juga kesihatan dia yang terjejas akhir-akhir ini. cekya doakan dia cepat sembuh.

i know where i stand in your life - no where.

well...apa yang cekya tulis kat atas ni is a lenghty version of the sms we sent each other ofter the inital one from him. maaf, kalau dia tersinggung lagi tatkala membaca apa yang yang cekya tulis kat sini. cekya rasa, tak perlu cekya berada dalam life dia lagi. i don't wanna be a burden to you anymore. dan cekya takkan ganggu lagi ketenangan hidup dia. insya-Allah. berikan cekya kekuatan ya Allah!

wassalam...