hi people...
i’m in a trauma.
or maybe it’s phobia.
i’ve got the answers to why i was so down and worried last monday.i tried writing it down yesterday but my tears speak louder than my words.it was horrid.i can’t believe i would go over something-a mistake-that i did before. people have always say,learn from your past,your mistakes,your experience.
but me?NO!
i still do it.all because of love and sympathy without thinking and realizing that i might get hurt. and ignoring the fact that i’m not perfect, that i would be an embarrassment.
just because i don’t look good.just because i’m different.
and i were to change if i wanna stay in the relationship.i’m 25 years old.i was born this way for that long!like a friend has mentioned before,if a bad attitude,yes,you have to change for good but if it’s Allah creation?how am i suppose to change it?i can work out on something.i would struggle even if i must die.
but is it worth it?
to do it because of someone else?
and not being myself.pretend to be someone else just to be liked?
just to be loved?
just to make everybody happy?
to that particular person,if you’re reading this,Insya-Allah,after this,i will not be an embarrassment to you anymore coz i will not walk beside you ever again.you will not worry of taking me to see you friends and families as you said you are actually ashamed of how i look like.you said if i wanna see you happy,change.insya-Allah,i will change but definitely not for you and your happiness.
i can’t believe someone who is actually very devoted to Allah would say such a thing.i couldn’t believe my ears when you say that you’re being afraid that your friends and families would laugh at your face because you have chosen me as your partner.how cruel…
i pray to Allah that you will have a happy life and a perfect partner.i pray that you’ll be free from your serious illness you’re going thru right now.i’ll always pray for your health and good life.i have prayed real hard,asking Allah to let me forget about every single day me being with you and alhamdulillah...everything is starting to fade away.
you have hurt me more than i have ever imagined.i know,you don’t realize it.you never realize whenever you hurt my feelings.you have insulted me enough.insulting me,meaning you’re insulting my mom and dad.and i can’t bare the fact that you’re insulting my parents who have brought me up and given me everything to see their only daughter successful.
and to my readers,i know,this posting is a little harsh but i guess i have to write it somewhere for your reference and also as a reminder to me.
take care and be very careful when choosing a friend.
wassalam
p/s:i might be away from blogging for a little while.insya-Allah,i'll be writing again and being the happy cekya....:)
2 comments:
:( kenapa erk? awak lak sekarang tengah bingung yee? sabo la... segala jawapan atau remedy ada dalam diri awak.. so awak yang lebih tahu cara mana awak nak menyelesaikan.. kawan kawan ni cuma tempalan je untuk memberitahu awak yang sebenarnya awak tidak keseorangan.. apa apa tindakan dan jawapan awak saya aku support awak .. dari segala yang termampu... , bukankah segala kesedihan membuatkan awk semakin dekat denganNya.. >alone<
p/s:i’m in a trauma.or maybe it’s phobia. agak agak wad berapa? saya, tash, nana, liza and other nak datang melawat.. nak kasik cokolet..
sista,gonna miss ur entry & photos. =(
setiap yang berlaku ada hikmah,kehilangan satu orang yang baik,tuhan akan gantikan seorang yang 10 kali lebih baik,itulah kata-kata kawan zuril.Insya Allah dan siapa yang tahu kan?
ya,apa yang terjadi,kita perlu maafkan dia,doakan dia sebab rasa marah atau kecewa tak boleh di simpan lama-lama (but zuril slalu buat gak begitu)...and get to know other peoples,it works! kita boleh jadi happy.
hmm..seolah boleh rasa apa yang sis rasa..apapun,jangan menyepi lama-lama sangat ye! take care.
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