are you married?

salam...

lately,i was showered by the above question..i was and will always be immensely touched by this gimme-a-break kinda question.the fact that i can't answer the questions which follows have made me so reluctant to answer even this one..you know...why?when?what?

and since my house is being renovated,to fix here and there,my closest relatives,even neighbours are also throwing cynical statements to my mom,e.g are we gonna celebrate a son-in-law,so forth..it just hurts me so much..

once,my aunt said that i WILL NOT get married first...not in a near future,or maybe...never.it'll be my second brother who would be the first to tie the knot..the statement was rather hurtful as it shows that i'm not favourable,among family,let alone in the society!

frankly,in my opinion,i don't think anyone wants me.i believe,my fate is in ALLAH's hand.how i wish i would know what's in it for me.so i would just tell them what's gonna happen and just leave me by myself,as well as my mom..

and the fact that most of my friends are actually married or at least enggaged,have made me think about the whole think regularly..it is just so frustrating like hell!

i have tried not to think about it too much as i know,it will definitely ruin my mood and i'll start wasting my tears and get over-emotional about how things are going on and how it would be in future...it's not only nerve-cracking but it'll just wash away the positive stuff i've 'planted' in my mind..

and most men i know..they have lust-driven type of relationships in mind which is just so disgusting and it makes me sick just thinking about them!so much for a 'no-committment kinda relationship'..duh!they think,life is THAT easy.unbelievable!

that's all i wanna say..