cried, at last...

salam!

after a few attempt to make me cry, tonite, i did it. mood was deteriorating since lunch and it was worst towards the end of the day in the office. workload was alrite, busy the whole morning but when calls are less and things to do dah settle, i started feeling sad and down. i planned to watch a movie and saw you, me & dupree was available at 6.45pm. gotta move fast to get tickets, i thought.

memang dah plan baekkk punya. i arrived and mood nak tengok wayang tetiba takde. so i bought myself a pair of earrings[nih kes buang tebiat, tetiba nak pakai earrings. nasib baik lubang earrings tak terkambus lagi. hehehehe!], i bought at big hair clip to accomodate my thick hair and a scrungee[girls, sure you all tahu kan apa scrungee nih...].

then masuk isetan and walk around. tetiba rasa sedih & sebak. owh no! empangan nak pecah ke? and i walked out of isetan. terserempak dengan my ex-colleague. she dragged me to le cucur to have tea. eisk. guwe tengah sedih nih. how can i handle an old friend? sure banyak yang nak cerita. sure banyak yang dia nak cerita. eye contact. sangatlah bahaya kalau dia tahu i was beginning to cry when she saw me.

and we talked. all went smoothly when she suddenly asked the killer question with a heavy northern accent;
..."suraya tengah sedih ka nih? akak tengok muka macam ada masalah....cerita lah, mana tau akak boleh tolong-tolong"...
goodness. that's the last thing i wanted. and of course i said i'm ok. but i know, she can sense it. hmmm...

balik, masuk bilik je, empangan pun pecah. i cried. i said things. kesiankan diri. how could things like the past happen to me? was i careless? was i being ignorant of what are the consequences? why i was being stupid by letting things that are not suppose to happen, happen??? why is it so hard?

and the effort of letting go memang menjadi but i realise that i actually hate that person. cekya benci, benci, benci dia! benci coz disebabkan dia, i crumpled my feelings, my soul and dengan bodohnya, ignore segala apa yang cekya tahu akan berlaku. how stupid.

owh i cried. no biggie. but to let off the emotional baggage that i have carried for the past few weeks, priceless. i still feel sad and wanna cry. i'll do just that before putting myself to bed.

like a friend said, if crying, dapat memujuk that 'ruined' heart, then do it. just do it.

take care darlings.

wassalam.

p/s : on a lighter note, cekya dah dapat cakap dgn ira & ika today. i cried after talking to them. people can be so cruel!