salam!
it's been hard lately. cekya tak tahu nak describe macam mana. i smile. i laugh. tapi rasanya semua tu tak dapat nak wash away this feeligs i have inside.
i realise, at some point, things are not gonna run smoothly for me. it never will. all of those self esteem & confidence that i built - shattered.
i've started blaming myself for things that have happened. pathetic ke? biar la apa orang nak cakap. i'm sad and no one would have gone thru the same things as i'm going thru. cekya sedihh..sedihh sangat.
i know, in my condition, i'm not entitle to any relationships kot. it's just not going to happen.i believe, some of you will think,"hey! don't put yourself down", "we're special in our own way" or "be positive". those lame sentences that i felt like strangling whoever yang cakap macam tu kat cekya.
why is it that i get bad treatments in return? why is it that i felt diperbodohkan ni?? why is it that whatever i do, is not appreciated, at all?
i did it wrongly ke? i'm being someone they don't favour ke? coz i don't look nice ke? doesn't mean that i don't look like catherine zeta-jones that i don't have any hearts!
what is the problem? what actualy happen? only Allah knows how much i wanna know. leaving me like foot prints left a big empty space in my heart.
am i not eligible for any of those nice feelings?
to date, i don't think i am.
am i that teruk for people to do these things to me?
the frustration is driving me nuts. work is another thing. i can't afford to loose myself now. keje banyak and i have big commitments in the office.
i'm struggling not to let my tears fall when anybody's around.
pray for me so that i'll be strong.
thank you.
wassalam.