Wednesday, March 05, 2008

untuk apa tangisan...

at last, the long awaited tears has finally arrived. mata kiri cekya gerak, dah almost 3 weeks. i always believe that when your muscles below your right eye moves, you're gonna laugh your heart out.. and if it's on your left eye, you're gonna cry your eyeballs out. and it happened, everytime, without fail.

tonite, the tears are all about regret. how i regret letting both of us leave the relationship. how i was not convinced of his words and how i was not confident of myself. how i betrayed my own feelings. my heart, my soul. it's been 10 years since we first said hi. how i wished i could turn back time. yeah, it sounds bloody cliched but heck, i truly wished, if i close my eyes and went back to that pleasant afternoon when we first said our introductions.

the time when he patiently consoled me after a heated argument with my mom.

the time when he told me about his old but strong atok, marrying a young beautiful indonesian lady, and we were giggling about it like little kids.

the time when i left malaysia, saying that he can't wait for me to come back.

the time when i was studying in my room at marley's hall, essex, with a cuppa coffee, and he surprised me with a call and said that he misses my nagging, and told me to study 'betul-betul'.

the time when i came back and he wanted to tie the knot.

the time that i did not agree.

the time when he left, saying that i have played an act all along, and that i was not sincere.


the time when i cried and told him that's all not true.

how it broke my heart.

it still is.

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