haris...

salam!
saturday was a total disaster. as a result of me having a weird sleeping pattern during the week[balik keje tido, till 12am, berjaga till 4am, then sambung tido till 8.30am], i wake up rather late. gila lambat. my dad even poked[yes, poked] the door which he don't usually do unless i got up really late. ugh! and i got headache throughout the day and decided to sleep again after maghrib. hahaha...conclusion, saturday was a sleeping marathon altogether. and i decided i had to do something on sunday, early in the morning.

cekya teringat cinta. the movie, of course. wtl text me that she cried watching it. hmm... i thought it's gonna be an emotional challenge for me. i wanna test myself. whether i will cry watching this rich-in-emotions movie.i remembered seeing all of the promotions posters all over the lrt stations.

i booked a ticket for sunday morning show. yes, alone.

first 45 minutes or so, i was alright. actually, i only cried once, when they played anuar zain's song - perpisahan. been listening to his number for days and after seeing the scenes, which i can relate, has made my eyes watery. only. cinta has challenged me, emotionally. quite right.

there were 5 love stories. but the one that has actually gave the slap on my face was haris & airin's marriage. it's like seeing myself on the big screen. haris, a loving hubby. a caring dad. someone's hopelessly romantic. he's head over heels with airin.
and one day, she left.
with someone else.
with some stupid reasons.
with a guilty face which i doubt, is sincere.

menyesal ke dia? her apologises meant nothing. anymore. that's what i feel. and i guess.. haris felt the same.

i hold back my tears.i was choking, refraining myself from crying.

that's me. what he felt was me.
and i felt lonelier. more than ever.

cekya memang rasa nak bangun. nak balik. but i wondered, will she come back? and i wanted to know. i needed to know. coz i know, haris wants her to come back. that’s exactly what i would want.

wanna know? watch cinta.

on the way back, i played anuar’s song – perpisahan on my mp3 player. i got tears streaming on my cheek. goodness. sebaknya. cekya tak ingat sesiapa or apa-apa langsung dalam cerita tu, except for haris, and haris only. how he struggled with his emotions. how he slept with all the love notes that airin had left in their bedroom. how he saw refelctions of airin in that room, at the dressing table, on the bed, on the mirrors. it’s too heart breaking. emotionally unbearable. it's like seeing me, some time, in the past. oh here’s the lyrics of anuar’s song:

perpisahan - anuar zain
ku mengerti perpisahan ini
bukan kerana kau membenci
tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
tiada lagi bersama

sering kala aku terlihatkan mu
impian nan indah julang bahagia
ku harungi hari demi hari
bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali

tapi hati masih tak terima
ditinggalkan sengsara

keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
perasaan hati masih rindu
kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
tercari-cari bayanganmu

tak sanggup aku kehilangan
kehilanganmu

masih tercari-cari
keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

anyone wants the mp3, do email me.

as at now, i'm still crying. buckets. eisk!
wassalam.
cinta, cekya

p/s : i hope that my cousin, will watch this movie, coz whatever alisa [haris & airin's only daughter. teringat-ingat mata berkaca alisa when her dad's living]is experiencing, are the emotional torture that she's giving to ira, ika and mai. you b*tch!sorry guys. it's just too frustrating.