done, another portion...

salam..

it's 2 am. i'm still up. i guess, being too tired pun, susah nak tido. and yes. cekya letih sangat. banyak nak settle dalam minggu nih. cekya tertekan betul.

with reference to the below entry[tulis blog pun dah macam tulis formal letter], cekya tertanya jugak, when will be the glorious time, or day, that i will let go. a dear friend have sweetly asked me to forgive. i got my eyes bertakung dengan airmata bila dia cakap gitu. to forgive. then only i can proceed with whatever i may wanna do about all these. but first, forgive him.

maafkan dia? cekya akan cuba. coz me, being me and letting my feelings flow will worsen the situation. melayan perasaan, adakalanya memburukkan keadaan, kan? i must make myself worthy. takleh nak macam ni. sedih. hurt. whatsoeva. bla bla bla.

and sometimes, crying does wonders. dah tak tahu la mana nak buat nih.
apa pun, i feel sad that i feel that i'm losing a very dear friend. rasa jauh.
dan hilang, dan lenyap, dan kosong.
i missed being a good friend.
i missed being someone for him to refer to on anything.
i missed the old times, oh i do.

though the london trip will only be 2 weeks, i know i'll cry inside knowing that i'll leave him. and you guys. people who means so much to me. coz i know. i might or might not return.
frankly, i never want to return...:(

i hope the shadows in the picture is like me, being here, beside you guys, even if i'm not around.

cukuplah kot pengalaman selama 28 tahun di malaysia. i always wanted to start anew.
may Allah bless us all and give me the chance, one way, or another.

nite. take care people.
wassalam.

[some dialog that caught me speechless in 'gubra']

ARIF
>We should talk about this.
>Orked, you don’t have to do this.
>Sayang…
>Orked, let me tell you this.
>You were traveling so much. And I think I was lonely.
>And she threw herself at my feet.
>She’s nothing. She’s nothing.
>She’s just a piece of meat. Yes!
>Sayang, I love you more than anything on earth.
>Forgive me please.
>She’s nobody, sayang!
>You’re my wife. She’s nothing, sayang!
>She’s stupid, you know. Compared to you.
>You have no idea, how stupid she is.
>I can’t even hold a decent conversation with her.
>Sayang, forgive me sayang…
>You know, she’s nothing more than a mistake, you know…
>I promise to you, I will never make that stupid mistake ever again.

ORKED
>What are we to you?
>Hm??
>What are women to you?
>Hah??
>Stupid? Piece of meat?
>Hey kau yang bodoh, kau tahu tak??
>You’re the piece of meat!!
>You’re the stupid mistake!
>Bloody stupid melayu man!
>Urgh!!!

p/s : malay men, no offense. but some of you, are like that. but i know, there are MORE good malay men. it's just that i have not found mine. ;)